Have you always wanted to dress like a self-centered egomaniac, but never knew how? Well now you too can effortlessly capture the look of a true douchebag thanks to Kanye West’s new line of fruity silk scarves. The overpriced rags are selling for $365, and feature designs inspired by West’s overrated LP ‘My Sexy Dark Magical Punctual Fantasy About a Green Unicorn named Ziggy-JuJu‘.
The Kanye scarves are more than just a simple fashion statement: They come with a number of side effects guaranteed to befall whoever is stupid enough to wear one of these things in the first place. These side effects include, but are not limited to the following:
- Increase the size of your ego by 80%.
- Decrease the size of your penis by 90%.
- Make you feel like you are responsible for the success of your co-workers, when you are in fact, not.
- Automatically get you banned from all Wal-Mart stores.
- Entitle you to five free blowjobs from Pitchfork.
- Cause everybody in a 1000 mile radius to hate you.
If you pre-order two or more scarves now, you’ll receive a complimentary groupie and a Dom Pérignon enema, completely FREE of charge!
So what are you waiting for? Pick up your Kanye West Wear today!