Mandopop princess Jolin Tsai has really raised the bar when it comes to the music videos from her new album Muse. The fashion in the spectacular “The Great Artist” visual was an utter feast for the eyes, and it was game over for your faves when the songstress examined a pregnant man and treated a patient with an intravenous drip full of Pepsi in “Dr. Jolin” . Her latest effort “Fantasy” takes things to weird and wonderful new heights, and is destined to replace “Born This Way” as the new homo club anthem for gays with taste.
The song itself is a gorgeous slice of danceable euro-pop that’s incredibly classy given how lowbrow the genre has become over the past two years. It’s very Kylie “On a Night Like This”, so it comes as no surprise that Tsai has billed it as a tribute to the gay and lesbian community. Speaking about the track, Saint Tsai said: “I have a lot of homosexual friends. I hope that, in today’s modern society, young people will no longer be trapped or boxed in. They should bravely seek to be themselves.”
But it doesn’t take a quote about Tsai’s gay friends to know what “Fantasy” is all about; one look at the camper than camp music video will do the trick. The dreamy visual opens with a monotone sci-fi voice introducing us to a “modern garden of Eden” where everyone was born out of love and all love is equal. Tsai presents herself as an Eve like character who presides over the utopia and champions free love by performing sexy choreography in the clouds and strutting around in a giant colorful wig. As she prances around with a small army of wood nymphs, we’re treated to two hunky gaysians kissing on a bright orange motorcycle, an ebony hunk stepping out of a hot pink closet, a pair of lesbian unicorns getting married, and a transvestite midget. As if things couldn’t get any more fabulous, Goddess Jolin flaps around in a rainbow dress and then hooks up with a hot Jesus.
The sci-fi voice returns to close out the video, informing us that “believing in oneself has its own unique beauty” — conveniently ignoring the fact that Saint Tsai’s unique beauty comes from the touch of
God a surgeon’s scalpel.
But who cares where Jolin got her stunning good looks from, right? All that matters is that we worship her as if she were our glamorous ruler. All praise to the Taiwanese Kylie, the mother of catchy mandopop! She is our merciful queen and the source of all pussy popping in the Chinese gay club. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no Lady GaGa!
Jolin really needs to release and promote this iconic smash internationally. She made $22 million in the past year and just slayed Wembley Arena in London, so I know she can do it. The gays desperately need her heavenly influence to guide them away from their sinful faves.
Now experience the LGBT anthem of the
year decade below.