The Prophet Blog

Jennifer Lopez proved at tonight’s American Music Awards that she can still slay the stage better than anyone in the game with a six-minute performance that involved stripping, spinning, faux tears, and the most outrageous piece of product placement ever to grace the pop music landscape.

Opening with one of her irrelevant ballads, JLo sung a few lines before pretending to tear up in a nod to her attention-grabbing crybaby performance the Mohegan Sun Arena in October. The tears soon turned into a cheeky ‘gotcha!‘ grin, before Jenny’s ball gown was suddenly torn off to make way for the tribal RedOne beats of the trashtacular “Papi”.

Jen groped and felt herself up for a while as she sung (mimed? You can never tell with this chick) the first verse of the song, before the stage opened up to reveal a brand new Fiat 500, which is a really bizarre coincidence since Jennifer is actually endorsing that very same car at the moment. What are the odds of it just showing up on stage with her at the AMAs!? Talk about destiny.

As the gleaming vehicle sat in the center of the stage spinning like the grand prize on The Price is Right, Jennifer earned herself some of those lucrative endorsement dollars by climbing in the front seat to demonstrate the Fiat’s roomy interior, power steering, and built-in GPS navi system.

MUST.RESIST.URGE.TO.BUY.A.FIAT!!!!!

After wowing us with her stunning motor skills, Jennifer proceeded to lunge from the vehicle and dance her wig off, making your faves look like the talentless hacks that they are in the process.

Just when it looked like JLo had done all the slaying she could, off came her dress (again!) and out came Chihuahua Pitbull to perform the biggest hit of Miss Lopez’s career, “On the Floor”. More amazing dancing and fabulous showomanship followed, while every man in the audience cracked a big ol’ boner from seeing Jenny’s voluptuous yummy mummy curves shake and shimmy in her nude bodysuit.

All hail the Queen, haters!