Remember how Ciara released a somewhat hot but tired new single called “Sweat” last month, and everybody was talking about it for, like, three seconds? Well, aren’t you wondering what the hell’s happened to it since then? It was billed as the lead single from CiCi’s comeback album, but nobody has even mentioned it since the day it premiered.
Something fishy is definitely going on here, so I put my thinking cap on, and came up with the top five things that may have happened to “Sweat”.
5. The U.S. government put “Sweat” in a capsule with the rest of Ciara’s discography and blasted it off into space, in the hope that some kind of extra-terrestrial being may find it and learn important things about earth – such as what Crunk’n'B is, and how to turn a lead single into a ‘buzz’ single.
4. It was thrown into the same trash can / landfill / black hole that contains T-Boz’s shelved solo album and everything that Christina Milian has recorded since So Amazin’.
3. The staff of That Grape Juice melted the promotional CDs down and molded them into gigantic dildos.
2. Demi Lovato begged L.A. Reid to give “Sweat” to her instead, so she can include it on her next album of outdated urban-pop scraps.
1. It’s been delayed while Ciara tries to convince Kim Kardashian to loan her $250,000 to get Nicki Minaj on the official remix.
They’re all quite plausible, right?
By the way, I was listening to “Sweat” again today. It’s actually pretty hot. LEMME IN YO’ HEAD!