The Prophet Blog

Nicki Minaj continued her ascent to the top of the pop star totem pole tonight with the premiere of the first episode of her new three-part E! reality series, Nicki Minaj: My Truth. Wacki is easily one of the most dragged ‘artists’ on The Prophet Blog, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying to watch this train wreck. I’ve had a newfound interest in the plastic pornstress ever since she joined American Idol, and I’ve always felt that reality TV is better fit for her than the music industry. I still believe that, but My Truth did nothing to convert me into a Barb like Nicki hoped when she first confirmed the show. All it did was cement most of the negative things I already believed about her. She came off as short-tempered, disorganized, narcissistic, and yes, completely ratchet.

If you’re unwilling to spend 21 minutes sitting through the entirety My Truth but still want the piping hot tea, check out my five key moments from the episode below.

Alicia Keys Gets Tossed Aside

Poor Alicia Keys learned that you’re only as hot as your last hit in My Truth’s funniest moment when Nicki decided that her “crazy schedule” was just too full to fit in time to film her feature part in the official “Girl On Fire” music video. With the support of her manager, she casually axed the engagement without a second thought and then dived into recording her new album, unintentionally confirming Keys’ status as an R&B has-been. Funnily enough, Nicki did eventually end up shooting the video after all, but it was such an awkward $2 green screen rush job that she should’ve just stuck to her original plan and not bothered.

Nicki Discovers That Music is Actually a Job

“When I’m in the studio, that’s like a job,” says Nicki, sounding genuinely surprised while recording tracks for her unnecessary EP re-release thingy, The Re-Up. “That’s like, you know, your 9-to-5.”

Really, Nicki? You mean being a pop superstar is actually a career and not just an endless array of outrageous red carpet publicity stunts? Color me shocked.

Nicki Only Has 13 Hours to Choose an Outfit

Panic erupts when Nicki is only given a mere 13 hours to select her outfit for American Idol’s first day of taping. Meandering through a large room filled with packed racks of clothes, a clearly unhappy Minaj mumbles, “I don’t like anything that looks like this.” Sulking like a My Super Sweet Sixteen starlet whose parents just bought them a Ferrari in the wrong shade of red, Nicki tells off her stylist and then demands a fresh pull of clothes. About half a day later, she eventually settles on a plain white jacket and a pair of conservative powder blue pants.

Don’t be Tardy for American Idol… or The View…

Due to her earth shattering wardrobe emergency, Nicki arrives late to her first day on Idol. Then on the following morning, she’s purposely tardy to her appearance on The View after mistakenly assuming that it wouldn’t be an issue because the show doesn’t air live (it does). “I did think it was a taping,” she explains. “So we could be 50 minutes late. It’s nothing.”

Nicki’s Bad Day

When 90% of your schedule consists of deciding what to wear, it leaves little time for anything else, so a stressed out Nicki was left with only 24 hours to shoot the entire music video for her non-charting Cassie collaboration “The Boys”. The day gets off to a bad start when Nicki’s assistant brings her macaroni and cheese instead of collard greens, but the shit really hits the fan when the part-time rapstress –terrified of a potential Twitter leak– sees Cassie’s crew hanging around the video monitors on set.

“Every time I leave the set, I come back [and] there’s like 200 people standing around the monitors.” Nicki angrily rants as she hits meltdown mode. “So I know those [bleep] already took pictures of the [bleep] set. Why I can’t just have people respect what I asked? Just because we have someone else on the set does not change the [bleep] rules. I don’t care! Un[bleep]real. [Inaudible] too [bleep] pussy round here.”

“I can’t take this [bleep] no more,” she concludes as she marches off the set, leaving the episode to end with an ominous “to be continued”.

While I can’t wait for the next installment of this disaster, not everyone is so keen on Nicki’s truth. After the episode aired, Lady GaGa’s pal and producer DJ White Shadow tweeted: “Ok. Nicki Minaj. **** you. Get a grip. You are lucky, not talented. Stop. Please stop. XO. DJWS.”

He then accidentally deleted the Tweet, adding: “Oops didn’t mean to delete that. But I don’t recall what I said, basically it was “come on son” to nicki. Cause you are wack.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.