Hey y’all!

I know it’s been a minute, so I just want to update you on what’s going on with the site. I planned to make a VLOG to give you the tea, but it was NOT cute and I think I need to buy a mic anyway so you can actually hear me… but I will actually try do a proper VLOG soon to explain things more in-depth and give you the full story.

But in a nutshell, the site kind of shit itself due to some coding problems because I never maintain stuff behind-the-scenes, so I’ve had my girl Zainab fixing it all up. Since it ended up taking so long because of how messy all my coding and whatever was, I decided just to take a time out from the blog and work on the new layout and the site relaunch that I’ve had planned for the past few months. I figured this was a sign to get my act together and to come back better than I was before.

I have a lot to tell you about the relaunch but I’ll wait until I’m closer to having everything done before I tell you it all. I’m hoping to have it done within the next several weeks, but sometimes these things take longer than expected so I can’t make any promises. I will try to do it as fast as I can though since you’ve already been waiting a while as it is — especially this year, where I’ve been slack and not updated the blog for days at a time on several occasions.

Please make sure you’re following me on Twitter and Facebook to stay posted on what’s going on with the new site.

Twitter: @TheProphetBlog

Facebook: TheProphetBlog

Instagram: TheProphetBlog

Thanks for your support and for everyone who has been asking where I am and wanting me to come back. Even though you guys piss me off sometimes (and vice versa) and some of you stan for boring flops like Rita Ora and The Saturdays, I’m grateful for you coming here and making The Prophet Blog a mildly-popular place among the sea of pop blogs that currently pollute the internet.

I hope you enjoy the new site. If you don’t, I’ll just close this shit down for good and spend more time watching Adventure Time re-runs and masturbating to bara porn.

I always wanted to like Ariana Grande because she’s super pretty and can actually sang, but her debut single “Put Your Hearts Up” was so fucking shitty that I just had to hate her and pray for her demise.

She finally released a new single the other day called “The Way,” which somehow shot straight to No. 1 on iTunes (and is currently now at No. 2). I guess coz her target market was raised on the internet and iTunes and shit, right? Or maybe it’s just because “The Way” is undeniably, incredibly, epicly AMAZING and totally deserves to slay the Hot 100 instead of whatever else is slaying it right now (minus Justin Timberlake’s iconic “Suit & Tie,” of course).

“The Way” sounds like Rainbow/Charmbracelet era Mariah singing over Thalia’s stunning Fat Joe duet, “I Want You.” Yes, it’s that good.  Mariah should’ve recorded this, replaced Mac Miller with a relevant rapper like A$AP Rocky, and BAM — she’s back!

I know that Selegendary Gomez is supposed to drop her new single in a week, but, like, maybe she just shouldn’t because Ariana’s killing the game so much right now that there simply ain’t room for another one of these Disney/Nickelodeon chicks right now.

The “The Way” music video premiered a few hours ago, and it’s cheap yet perfect. Ariana is so cute. I love her.

Check out this generation’s Marey Carey in action, below.

BANKS, the moody, L.A. chanteuse who wowed us all with her Fiona Apple-esque track, “Before I Ever Met You,” is back with her official debut single, “Fall Over.”

The Apple comparisons are no longer applicable; this time around, BANKS echoes Siobhan Donaghy on the underrated “Don’t Give Up.” Her voice changes from high to low, to shrieks and growls, while words, cries, and synths reverberate inside the track’s spacey production.

Just like any Weeknd record, there’s a bleak sensuality to the whole thing. Smoke, fuck, cry, repeat.

“Fall Over” is a different BANKS to the one we met on “Before I Ever Met You,” and different again to the BANKS on Lil Silva’s housey “Work.” Like Grimes, she’s hard to box, and that’s exciting.

Also, we finally get to see what she looks like in the “Fall Over” music video, and she’s super hot. That always helps.

BANKS’ ‘Fall Over’ EP is currently available through iTunes, Amazon, and Spotify.

Alex Da Kid has executive-produced the soundtrack to Stephanie Meyer’s new flick, The Host,  and being the good friend that he is, he made sure to slap on a track from his buddy, Skylar Grey. (Even after she so ruthlessly replaced him with Eminem as the executive-producer of her upcoming debut album.)

The new song, titled “Slowly Freaking Out,” is a return to the moody, serious Skylar that we all fell in love with before she fucked things up with that dumb Eminem track. It’s not single material and it’s not the absolute best thing we’ve ever heard from her before, but it is a perfectly good soundtrack cut for a teen sci-fi flick like The Host.

Me likey.

In related news, Skylar recently half-shaded “C’mon Let Me Ride” in an interview with Fuse, and made a huge point about how her album won’t sound anything like it.

Yay!

I don’t mind her playing around with more upbeat sounds and whatnot, but I don’t wanna see her with her tits out and singing about riding dicks and shit like “C’mon Let Me Ride,” and then telling us all that it’s some clever satire on pop music when it ain’t.

Oh, and homegirl better put that Manson collaboration back on the album… Def not here for her scrapping Manson.

Listen to “Slowly Freaking Out,” below.

Following the success of their timeless and divine J-pop smash, “Bunny Style!,” T-ara has officially announced plans to launch their first official sub-unit.

The new unit group –which acclaimed psychics and mediums from across the globe have predicted will be the most perfect sub-unit ever made– will consist of T-ara’s most popular members: Goddess Angel Eunjung, Queen Sex Machine Hyomin, and the woman with the most striking and memorable gaze in Korea, Jiyeon. Hwayoung’s flawless replacement, Areum, will be the unit’s fourth and final member.

Their single was produced by K-pop hitmakers, Double Sidekick, who helmed Davichi’s chart-topping “Turtle,” SISTAR’s chart-topping “Loving U,” and non-chart-topping-but-still-epic hits like B.A.P’s “Stop It” and Miryo’s “Dirty.”

The new song will contain catchy choreography in the same vein as the Village People’s “YMCA” (no, I didn’t make that up), which Core Contents Media is hoping will become a “national trend.” They even joked that they want it to be “the second coming of Gangnam Style.” (A comment that will undoubtedly get T-ara more netizen hate, but whatever.)

Look out for the new unit group in late April/early May, followed by a Japanese arena tour from T-ara (which probably means another J-pop album — yasss!).

You can tell that this whole unit thing is a calculated move on CCM’s part to try and slowly ease T-ara back into the K-pop scene after all the drama the group’s been through. Not that it really matters, either way. My body is ready for a new T-ara earworm and dance craze that will completely annihilate all previous K-pop trend songs into oblivion.

[Via Tiara Diadem]

After the underwhelming snoozer that was ”Mirai no Museum,” Perfume are ready to redeem themselves with a much better single called “Magic of Love.”

According to a translated post on the trio’s official website, the new single is all about: “a life sized girl that is lightly dreaming of the beginning of an ideal love, complete with a sweet and heart-twinging melody.”

Iconic.

A preview of the track is already available through a gummy commercial, which “Magic of Love” is being used to promote, and it already sounds a hell of a lot better than ”Mirai no Museum” (Perfume’s lowest-selling single in five years, FYI).

Apparently “Magic of Love” isn’t due for release until the “early summer,” which isn’t until fucking June in Japan, but the same article also says that it’ll be available for download from Recohoku on April 1st. That makes me think that it may actually just be a b-side, and that the real single will be unveiled closer to June.

B-side, A-side, whatever. Just gimme more Perfume, ASAP.

[Via Love The Perfume]

I’m basically suicidal right now.

First SHINee followed up the genre-bending smash that is “Sherlock” with the insipid background pop that is “Dream Girl,” and now INFINITE has followed “The Chaser” –possibly the best pop song of 2012– with the most disappointing single of their (and Sweetune’s) career, “Man In Love.”

Seriously, if TVXQ returns with a dud single later this year, it’s lights out for me.

Sweetune rarely gets it wrong, but INFINITE’s “Man In Love” sounds like the production duo just phoned this one in. I’ve never heard Sweetune sound so stale and uninspired before — it’s the kind of thing you’d expect them to give to the less popular Boyfriend, who just recently released a pair of great songs that somewhat copied INFINITE’s signature sound: “Janus” and “I-Yah.”

That was all fine and dandy when Boyfriend were churning out INFINITE leftovers, but it’s not okay when those leftovers end up sounding better than INFINITE’s lead singles. INFINITE, along with the likes of B2ST and 2PM (and soon, B1A4) are part of the new generation of top tier K-pop boy bands, and their music needs to reflect that in the same way that past hits like “Be Mine” and “The Chaser” did.

In a nutshell, “Man In Love” is just a less-good version of an older INFINITE single, with the kind of predictable boy next door concept swap that every Korean boy band switches to like clockwork after rocking the masculine, mature concept for a few singles.

There’s so much more that INFINITE and Sweetune could have done to make this comeback better. The male equivalent of Nine Muses’ “Dolls” would have been absolutely out of this world, but if they wanted to play it safe and not deviate from the ’80s-heavy beats of “The Chaser,” they could have just done a straight up sexy concept and recorded “I-Yah” instead of Boyfriend.

On the bright side, INFINITE’s choreography is still divine, and as usual, they all look gorgeous — especially my boys L and Woohyun.

Considering that INFINITE have yet to disappoint me in their three-year lifespan, I’ll let them get away with this dull comeback… but only this once.

Along with Kendrick Lamar’s good kid, m.A.A.d city and whatever that cunt Azealia Banks puts out, A$AP Rocky’s Long. Live. ASAP seems to be one of the only hip-hop records I can really get into lately. All the tracks are hot, but the Skrillex-assisted “Wild For The Night” is one of my favorite cuts just for the fact that it’s such a no holds barred pussy popper.

If Ciara just jumped on a fresh beat like this and dropped the dusty old Jazze Pha leftovers, then maybe her career wouldn’t be in the fucking shitter.

But I digress. The “Wild For The Night” music video has arrived, and it’s a damn good watch for those of you who think you might be interested in seeing some hip dudes having a good time in the Dominican Republic. I just wish that Skrillex and Ellie Goulding hadn’t split up so that she could’ve been in this clip too. It would’ve been so amazing to see this random white chick awkwardly trying to look hood in the middle of a Dominican ghetto.

Vanessa Hudgens can’t sing to save her life, but she’s a super hot good girl gone bad with an abundance of leaked nude photos online, and her sophomore album, Identified, in an underappreciated gem, so she’s basically the perfect pop star.

I’ve spent many nights wide awake from severe anxiety worrying that V-Hud may never record a follow-up to timeless classics like her ode to marathon sex sessions, “Sneakernight,” or the little piece of autotuned heaven called “Party On the Moon.” But Baby V is back with a vengeance and finally embracing the image she tarnished so long ago with her long-awaited return to the music scene: “$$$ex.”

Produced by Miley Cyrus maestros Rock Mafia and featuring rookie girl group YLA (who are part of the same Hollywood clique as Hudgens and Selena Gomez), ”$$$ex” is a dirty, grimy, distorted hunk of danceable dubstep. It’s apparently inspired by Baby V’s skanky new flick Spring Breakers, but that’s just the former Disney diva’s way of not taking full responsibility for the song’s lyrics, which include lines like, “Fifty in his pocket / A condom in his wallet / He’s not gonna sleep tonight,” and, “Can’t you feel my hot sex!”

While it’s no “Come Back to Me,” it’s still off the damn chain. And as much as I liked Baby V’s old music, I prefer leaving the classy pop jams to likes of Hilary Duff and Selena Gomez, while Miley, Vanessa, and Lindsay handle the trashy shit.

Now that Baby V’s movie career is finally starting to recover from Sucker Punch, let’s all pray that ”$$$ex” is simply the first taste of a new studio album and not just a random cock tease like LiLo’s forever legendary “Bossy.”

Jessie Ware’s debut disc, Devotion, is so bloody fantastic that it’s getting re-released next month with four ‘new’ tracks. Jessie’s old Sampha collabo, “Valentine,” will be on there, as well as a Disclosure remix of “Running,” a “Wildest Moments” remix with man of the moment A$AP Rocky, and last but not least, a brand spankin’ new single called “Imagine It Was Us.”

Produced by Julio Bashmore, “Imagine It Was Us” is every bit as slinky and sensual as anything off of Devotion — it’s just got a trendy ’90s house beat instead of Ware’s signature Sade-style soul grooves. No matter genre she’s gracefully tackling, Ware’s voice is utterly exquisite, so “Imagine It Was Us” ends up sounding something like Róisín Murphy at her absolute best.

In other words, it’s ecstasy for the ears.

Devotion – The Gold Edition drops on April 15 in the UK. The repackage will serve as the standard edition in the US, due out one day later on the 16th.

To be honest, I’m not a huge fan of GodT’s “Mirrors.” I like it, but I don’t L-O-V-E it (yet). It’s cute in the context of The Flawless/Iconic Experience, but I’m not really here for it as a single when there’s much better stuff that could’ve been released instead. So with that said, I wasn’t really anticipating the music video that much, and was naturally unimpressed when I pressed play and discovered that the clip was some long-winded story about octogenarians in love.

But then something amazing happened. Just as I had given up hope, “Mirrors” did that changey thing where it turns into a different song, and the one and only GODT pranced onto the screen and started SWISHIN’ and TWERKIN’ in a very CLASSY kinda way.

Now, I’m not gonna say that my rock hard cock EXPLODED LIKE A FIRE HYDRANT or anything like that, but it TOTALLY DID.

The King’s twinkle toes definitely left tears and semen flowing freely from my body in a way that hasn’t been done since his sweaty palm slapped mine at the FutureSex/LoveShow in Sydney.

My baby needs to cut the start of “Mirrors” right off so it just plays that second song, and so that the video can just be him dancing in the house of mirrors and nothing else.

Those smooth moves were so sexy. They almost made “Mirrors” as legendary as the “Suit & Tie” video, in which Justin and Jay-Z played homosexual entertainers in the fifties who had to hide their gay interracial relationship from society so they wouldn’t be killed like Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain.

OMG I stan for “Mirrors” now it’s on repeat!

Where my JT haters at?

The 20/20 Experience is currently No. 1 on iTunes in 65 countries. Somebody on ATRL says that’s a new record, but since I don’t know that for a fact unless I get some proof of whatever the previous record was, I won’t report it like it’s the gospel or anything. But since it’s most probably true, I’ll just let y’all know so you can stew and remain pressed at GodT’s digital domination.

I think I’m going to start some kind of collection to raise funds to help rehabilitate Timberlake haters so that they can one day reenter society and function as normal people again. Considering how hard JT is slaughtering and snatching right now, it’s going to take a lot of money to make this happen. I mean, this dude ditched the music scene for YEARS, and then came out of nowhere with a song that went against everything on the charts and still managed to SMACK that strawberry bubblegum like he never left.

Hatin’ ass bitches, just accept JT as your King and be done with it. Stop fighting it, because resistance is futile.