There’s been a lot of shit happening with Britney Spears lately. Here’s a recap.
- Britney starts work on her next studio album. Confirmed writers and producers so far include:
- Ester Dean (Britney’s “Drop Dead Beautiful”, Rihanna’s “S&M”, “Where Have You Been”).
- Ina Wroldsen (Britney’s “He About to Lose Me”, Pussycat Dolls’ “Hush Hush”, almost everything The Saturdays have ever done).
- Hit-Boy (The Throne’s “N*ggas in Paris, Kelly Rowland’s “Lay It On Me”, Nicki Minaj’s “I Am Your Leader”, upcoming Miley Cyrus album).
- Elijah Blake (Usher’s “Climax”, Rihanna’s “No Love Allowed”).
- will.i.am (Britney’s “Big Fat Bass”, “Scream & Shout”.)
- Forbes names Britney the highest-paid female musician of 2012.
- Britney officially confirms new album. Claims to be “really focused on my new music right now” and working with “inspiring new producers“.
- Britney leaves X Factor to focus on her upcoming album. Rumors swirl that she was actually fired for being an empty soulless shell of her former self. Nobody really cares either way.
- Jason Trawick is removed as co-conservator from Britney’s
disgusting and immoral slave contractconservatorship.
- Britney and Jason call off their engagement, confirm their split, and promise to remain friends.
- TMZ reports that Britney is close to signing a deal for her own Las Vegas residency worth upwards of $100 million dollars.
Now, two things that y’all need to remember about all of Britney’s 2013 happenings. Firstly, everybody in the entire music industry submits music for her albums, so her current list of known collaborators is just a few drops in an enormous ocean of producers and songwriters. Second of all, just because the Queen B is single again, doesn’t mean that her new album will be Blackout 2.0. Britney didn’t even have a team or a manager, let alone a conservatorship, when that album was thrown together in a hurricane of tears, tequila, and paparazzi flashbulbs, so please accept that “the crazy years” are now over and that they aren’t coming back.
With that out the way, let’s all join hands in a prayer circle and ask God to permanently remove will.i.am from Britney’s music career. Amen.