The Prophet Blog

The heir to the Knowles’ devilish throne was welcomed into the world yesterday: A beautiful, healthy, baby Cabbage Patch doll, who, according to multiple reports, goes by the totally unpretentious name of Blue Ivy (or is it Ivy Blue?).

There’s been a lot of fuss and confusion surrounding the name, with many people scratching their heads and wondering just what this bizarre title means. Who came up with it? Is Tina to blame? Didn’t Bey already name her babies Banana & Laqinda? Why couldn’t Bey just give Rosemary’s Baby a regular name, like Max, Sean Preston, or Blanket?

Well, never fear, because The Prophet Blog is here with all the answers to Bey’s baby riddle!

So, without further stalling, here are the top 12 reasons why Beyonce named her baby Blue Ivy (or Ivy Blue…).

1. It’s the name of her favorite L.A. nightclub.

2. The pillow that she carried around under her shirt for nine months was green & blue.

3. She thinks superheroes are real, and wants her baby to become one when it grows up in order to stop that Rihanna reign.

4. She knows superheroes aren’t real, but wants to help her baby land a starring role in the next Batman film.

5. It’s the name of the fancy real estate agency that handled the purchase of her last mansion.

6. Solange told her that it would help her gain credibility with the indie crowd.

7. Ivy Blue is the name of Jay’s stripper mistress, so bitter Bey wanted to remind her husband of his infidelity every time he looked at their daughter.

8. Pinky was already trademarked by the porn star.

9. She thinks naming her baby Ivy will make it smart and get it into an Ivy League school like Harvard.

10. She thought the name was commercial and catchy enough to stamp on the clothing lines, fragrances, and various other products she will exploit her baby to create.

11. Bey and Jay thought that it would help boost the sales of their albums, The Blueprint and 4 (IV).

12. She didn’t name it — someone else did, and she just took credit for it.

Booyah!